father and baby at the beach

Daddy’s Girl?

Growing up I never really had my father around. Well, I’m kind of grown up now and he’s still not around.

You see and hear all this people talking about how children of divorced parents get damaged in the process. Honestly I always brushed that off my shoulders like I could not relate at all. Still not fully agreeing with the most extreme opinions on the matter but as everything else in your life it does affect who you are or who you become up to a certain point.

child sittingMy dad was pretty much out of my life by the time I was three. So I don’t really have a lot of memories with him. There are pictures of him holding me as a baby, a couple from a trip to London when I was a little older and another one in his boat. That’s about it.

I was lucky enough to have a stable and safe environment at home growing up with my mum, her partner and later my little brother.

kids playing gamesHad the best childhood I could wish for in a quiet little village outside Lisbon in this super pretty house on top of the hill where my mum threw the best birthday parties. No joke, we even had live shows setup by my brother’s dad, a theme and plenty of games and activities to keep kids and adults entertained. Not to talk about the amazing birthday cakes and all the delicious food.

It was the perfect life for any kid.

Because I was so young when my father left I didn’t think much about him or even asked many questions. My grandma was always present in my life so I knew about what was going on in his life. As in when he got married, moved to a different country or when I had a new brother. She always tried to get us to be closer but I don’t think he was that interested. From my side I didn’t make an effort either as I didn’t feel he wanted me in his life anyway.

Even though I often tell my brain I don’t care I guess deep down I do. Otherwise I can’t explain why I went to uni to study electronic engineering! Either I wanted to impress him or I thought it would be easier for me as I must have gotten some of his skills in my genes. Unsurprisingly it didn’t work out as planned, life got complicated and I dropped out of uni and got two jobs!

Later in my life my grandma died and my father was back in my life for a brief period. I actually enjoyed his company and he made it seem like he was going to be there for me. Sadly it was just an illusion and we quickly got back to normal.

Nevertheless I can’t say I don’t wish from time to time to be able to have my father in my life. Even if he’s clearly not the best at being one.

I am his only daughter but I was never a daddy’s girl.

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